TISM Share Scott Morrison’s ‘Real’ Concession Speech In New Missive

June 16, 2022

TISM have used their recent announcement on the 2022 Good Things lineup to prove to their legions of fans that they’re not only back, but better than ever.

Fresh from announcing their first shows in 18 years as part of this year’s Good Things lineup yesterday, TISM have been back on the press trail for the first time in almost two decades, showing the Australian music industry just what they’ve been missing.

Following a number of press interviews (including a typically-chaotic appearance from Ron Hitler-Barassi and Humphrey B. Flaubert on Double J overnight), the group have now unveiled their latest undertaking, sharing a satirical interview with ousted Prime Minister Scott Morrison.

The 1,300-word press release begins by noting that TISM had spent Wednesday evening having overheard the former Prime Minister deliver his “real concession speech” while in the fictional Morrison Hotel (itself a reference to their similarly-titled 1988 track).

“Let me first clarify one thing,” Mr. Morrison apparently begins.”Some people are claiming I intended to win the recent federal election, and so remain this country’s leader. I reject this entirely. No fair-minded person, once having closely studied our policies for the future or our performances in the past, could have thought we were serious about running this country.”

From there, the full release (which can be read in full over at Beat) continues to paint the ex-PM in a less than flattering light,

“Only an idiot can’t see the system works,” Morrison apparently continues. “I may be out of office, but I’m not out of power. You don’t need everyone to be like me; you only need enough of us to not do our bit, drop the hose, decline refuge to the powerless, ignore the sick, disrespect the peacemaker, and I truly believe then the spirit of self-interest will do its holy work, and so force the rest to abandon the common good and act the same. I’m changing Australia in small increments, and soon it’ll be like climate change: too late to change back.

“This is why it is impossible for me to have wanted to remain this country’s leader,” he concludes. “I was never a leader.”

As the press release comes to an end, TISM take over with interview questions, not only enquiring as to whether Liberal MP Tim Smith would be driving the group’s tour bus, but asking whether Morrison himself would appear onstage with the group at Good Things.

“I reject the premise of your question,” Morrison notes. “However, I can certainly see why TISM have decided to play live again. Now myself and my cabinet are out of office, there is an opening for public appearances by grotesque clowns.”